Lots of time people ask me why I started to write fiction as a positive psychologist. It is a good question. I started writing fiction because I wish to communicate information about how to grow up safe and strong to kids and their parents in a way that they can HEAR me.
Lots of time we have great information to share, but nobody takes it in. Why? Sometimes it is too dry, sometimes the timing is off, sometimes it is the speaker’s manner. So to avoid all of those potential set-backs I have chosen fiction. The information is not dry! It is exciting and yet familiar to all of us. All of us were 10, 11 and 12 once. I don’t use my voice, but the voice of a girl who we fall in love with from the first page when she talks about her crush. And I know the timing is right, as every year their are millions of kids getting a year older who have universal concerns about their feelings, their friendships, crushes, bullying, home life, etc.
Let’s take a look at The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything):
Feeling safe to communicate feelings and thoughts, no matter how personal and/or negative, rather than acting them out, is very important in child and adolescent development.
vThe Truth helps move girls, tweens, teens and their families closer to honest communicating. Every page brings to light feelings and thoughts so universal in nature that almost any page can be used to stimulate family members moving toward a more honest and open place with each other.
v The Truth gives a platform for kids to work through negative feelings about conflict and gives parents a new way of seeing conflict from the vantage point of how it affects their kids.
vThe Truth helps to prevent “mean girls” from developing by showing tweens how to express feelings using words, rather than anger or violence.
v The Truth helps girls see that they are not alone, by being able to so easily identify with the ‘girl’ who is sharing her most personal feelings and thoughts with them directly, via diary form. If Mom also reads The Truth and shares more of her thoughts and feelings while also listening to her daughter’s ‘real’ voice, than a family correction will be made and indeed, the girl will be less alone
vThe Truth also helps kids come to terms with growing up in a less than perfect world. The ‘girl’ is able to do this using many skills that the reader can emulate, such as finding ways to hold on to the best of herself, even as she comes to terms with a world and a set of parents that are less than perfect.
Why as a positive psychologist I chose to write fiction: The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything)
The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) comes to the Manasquan School Book Clubs for Fifth and Sixth Grade Girls
I had such a marvelous time with both groups of girls. These are great Book Clubs that meet at lunchtime. The guidance counselor opens each meeting with the following: The Truth is….and then she and the girls go around and fill in what is the truth for them over the last few weeks. This time Ms. Sanders was talking about the truth being how great she felt being away on vacation. The girls also had many truths about vacation, some good, some a bit disappointing. But that is the nature of vacations. Not all of them live up to our hopes and dreams. And that is the truth!
Then we went on to talk about The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything). In each group a page was read aloud and discussed. In one group we discussed the Book Club that the girl and her friends start in the book.
What was really fun for me as a psychologist and an educator was what the girls would like to see in the next book-the sequel to The Truth and what they would like changed. Come back tomorrow for that information.
“The highlight of our book club meeting was a visit by the author of our book selection, The Truth, by Dr. Barbara Holstein. The girls were able to share and discuss areas of the book that inspired them most. They told her how and why certain parts of the book impacted them. The author invited the girls to ask her questions about her writing experience and whether or not the book was autobiographical. She then asked the girls for suggestions for her next book. They recommended many issues that they felt needed to be addressed for their age group.
What a great experience for our girls! I am sure we have several future writers among them!”
Millie Sollecito Ed.D.
Student Assistance Counselor
Manasquan Elementary School
msollecito@manasquanboe.org
Another Book Club is Reading The Truth
I’m so excited. I just sent a batch of The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) down south to a group of girls in a self-esteem group run by Amy Stachler. The girls go to various schools but the club is Club G2G and all the girls are participating in Relay for Life (cancer walk). I think that is wonderful! Amy already wrote to me that the girls were really excited with the book. I wonder how they will react as they read the book. Will they identify with the girl and her feelings? Do they ever feel that a teacher or a parent is not really listening to them? Do they promise themselves about how they will be when they grow up? Do they have crushes? How do they feel the girl handled her crush with Paul? I can’t wait to hear from them. This is so exciting.
Book club encourages parent-child discourse
When seven Manasquan mothers and their sixth-grade daughters discuss a book they’ve all been reading, the conversation is about far more than the story. They share their feelings and thoughts about the issues in the book and about life.
Encouraging such communication was a goal when founding the Manasquan Mother Daughter Book Club in 2006, says Maribeth Pelly, 42, whose daughter Zoe, 12, is a member. The club has achieved that and helped the girls become more confident when expressing themselves, she says.
A Secret Valentine Sent by The Girl in The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything)
Dear Diary,
Last year I wrote my secret entry about Paul on Valentine’s Day. Do you remember? I sent him a Valentine and I was so desperate to see if he sent me one. I had to open Valentines from everyone in the class until I found his. Do you remember what it said? It said, “Be my Valentine.” I was so happy. I could hardly sleep that night.
This year I will of course be sending Paul a Valentine. Even though I don’t feel quite the same about him. I’m not sure why, but I know one reason is that he looks away a lot when I look at him. I think he might think I’m staring at him.
Anyway, I decided to do something else this year. I read about the idea in one of my mother’s magazines. It was in an article called BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND. There was a long list of things you could do to be nice to yourself.
Some were stuff like skip the laundry this week , buy yourself a new nightgown and get a new hairstyle. Some of the list sounded stupid. Anyway it was for women, not girls. But the one thing I liked was Send a Valentine to Yourself. So I’m doing that this year. I have almost finished it. I made it out of construction paper and lace and it is very beautiful. And you know what I’m saying?
“I love you very much and I’ll never forget you!” I am very excited. I’m even going to glue little candy hearts on it.
Don’t tell anyone. They would think I was silly. Remember, it’s a secret.
I CAN READ THE TRUTH (I’m girl, I’m smart and I know everything) AS A 22 YEAR-OLD,…
I found this excerpt from a review that Vanessa Van Patten did on anThe Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) yesterday. “At the end of the book (I am not going to tell you what happens with Paul), there are a series of questions parents can ask kid readers to talk to their kids about the issues in the book. I LOVE this, the fact that I can read it as a 22 year-old, my mom could read it, my little sister can read it and we could all take away a great message and have something to talk about.”
Vanessa Van Patten
Review of The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) by a ten year old girl.
A Kid’s Review
“I thought the book and discussion really went deep into a girl’s life; boys, crushes and dealing with yourself. I learned that people should express what they feel inside and always be truthful.” 5th Grader (posted on Amazon)
The Truth is resiliency is important. Dr. Sandra Prince-Embury Discusses resiliency with Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, author of The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything)
Dr. Sandra Prince Embury, nationally know expert on resiliency had this to say to Dr. Holstein:
The definition of resiliency is the qualities in the child, teenager or adult that allow them to face adversities and social pressures in a way that they can recover from, ride through, maintain functioning, and in some cases, grow, and function even better. And what I consider the underpinnings of resiliency are basically core aspects of development.
The reason that I’m focusing on that right now, especially in children and adolescents, is that in society, we have had to face a lot of adversity, perhaps more adversity than in the past, and there is more of a focus on preparing our youth for adversity. Of course, women are a special group in that there are special forces on girls and women that need to be dealt with.
But basically, it’s about surviving and dealing with adversity and maintaining your functioning and growing, even in the face of adversity.
One reason I wrote The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) is to show girls how resilient they naturally are. To learn to recognize their coping powers and their abilities to overcome obstacles and have fun in the process, by identifying with the girl in the book. As she says on page 19: “I know a million ways to have fun. I better know they because I feel so rotten when I’m picked last for kickball…”
What do you want in the next edition of The Truth(I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything)?
The book is selling so fast that I am already thinking about reprinting. The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) was #6 in the top 100 on Amazon today in the category of BEING A TEEN. Thanks to everyone who helped with that rank by buying the book! And thanks for telling me that yes, there is a place for the world of positive psychology and fiction to merge!
So, I thought you might want to share some ideas with me. In the next edition, would you like: 1. more secret diary entries that have never been public before? 2. Pages from the second book in the series where the girl is a year older? and/or 3. More questions and activities you can do after you read the book? Please let me know what you would prefer!
The Truth is: We have all had a crush! Dr. Holstein talks about crushes, and so does the girl in The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything)
On p.43 of The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) the girl says: “Paul and I are the same height now. I grew this year and he didn’t. My mother says that is common at my age.”
“I liked it when he was taller than me. But I still love him.”
Yes, we have all had crushes. I remember how in love I was with a fellow who took me to the movies when I was 13 and my family met up with his family at a summer resort. I barely knew him but just sitting in a summer movie house for two hours with him and wow! holding his hand was enough. All summer I waited for his letter that he had promised to write. Day after day. I carried the torch for two full months. I couldn’t believe he hadn’t written. After all, he had said he would!
My mother tried to console me and told me there would be lots of other boys. Her kindness only partly helped. I had to live through the esctasy and the agony myself. Good news, by September, he was but a vague shadow in my past. Someone else had my eye . But that is another crush story!
How about you? Who did you have a crush on? What happened? Was your mom helpful?
And what about your daughter? Does she share crush information with you? Do you think she should? Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein
