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- First Positive Psychology Fiction Book, The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) is a Hit!
- One of my dreams for The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything)
- She Didn’t Have a Name!
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Seven Gateways to Happiness For Girls-How Do We Help Our Girls Walk Through the Gateways to Happiness?
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There are Seven Gateways to Happiness that we all need to walk through, in fact, we must walk through them again and again to attain true happiness. Why? Because although each is different, they all hang together. We can’t be complete without success in all seven. I’ve talked at great length about how as women, we best walk through these Gateways. In fact, you can download for free, off of the front page of www.enchantedself.com a paper that will take you through the Seven Gateways to Happiness. But what if you are a girl? Is it exactly the same? No it is not. Kids are different from grown-ups and so is the journey to happiness. Are parents essential in helping their kids walk through the Seven Gateways to Happiness? You bet! You are critical. So let’s take a look.
The first Gateway to Happiness is Recognizing the Best in Ourselves. Having good self-esteem is another way to put it. How can we help our kids recognize the best in themselves? Certainly not by criticizing them, nor putting them down, nor by talking about embarrassing things in front of other people. Certianly not by showing disappointment in their achievements, or evaluating them in comparison to other siblings or friends. To help kids, and in particular, girls, get through the first Gateway to Happiness we need to encourage their talents, their strengths, their coping skills and their potential. Sounds easy? Sometimes it is. But sometimes it is hard. What I would like to see as a strength in my child, may be what she is weak at.
So we need to learn how to discuss and communicate effectively with our daughters. For instance, I would like my daughther to be social and comfortable with people. She may be instead somewhat of a loner, who’s strength is a feel for nature and all that is in it. She collects rocks, she feeds birds, she studies spider’s webs. Bottom line is she is different from my expectations. Most kids are. But the responsibility of a parent is to love and develop your child to the best of her abilities anyway. So to the best of my abilities I need to let her know that I treasure and value her strengths and yes, that I am also very proud of her when she combines those strengths in ways that develop her weaker side-in this case, her social side. I’m proud because I love her, I respect her differences and yet as a parent I know it will be better for her if she develops many facets of her personality.
When you read, The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) you may begin to recognize how I have woven the Seven Gateways to Happiness into the story. Of course, as even the ‘girl’ in the book needs to walk through all seven to achieve happiness. Next time we will look at the Second Gateway to Happiness: Falling in Love With Ourselves.
First Positive Psychology Fiction Book, The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) is a Hit!
Tonight I was at a book signing in Howell, New Jersey at the Barnes & Noble there. As I was meeting and greeting some many different people, and busily signing books, I found myself explaining how The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) is so different from other books for girls, tweens, teens and moms. For one thing, it is based on Positive Psychology principles that encourage living up to one’s potential, celebrating our strengths and holding on to our most authentic selves as we grow.
On the other hand, rather than being a typical self-help book, it is a true fictiional read. It is a girl’s diary and one quickly becomes involved with the girl and her life. There is a mystery to be solved and lots of action. It is a fun read.
Also the book can be used after one reads it for endless discussions as the topics brought up in the book are vital to growing up, and even to being a woman.
Soon on this blog, I’ll be taking you through pages and sharing ideas for discussion with you.
One of my dreams for The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything)
It is my dream to have girls and moms across the country reading The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) and then having discussions about the different topice brought up. As a positive psychologist, I believe it is a win-win for both moms and daughters to talk about growing up, staying true to oneself, gossip, families having issues, jealousies, crushes on boys, developing, anxieties about moving, etc. These subjects never go out of date and we can always learn more about ourselves, our kids, and the subjects themselves by having the courage to process them. What a pleasure to be able to experience the happiness that comes from helping the next generation hold on to their power, potential and wisdom!
She Didn’t Have a Name!
Today on the TODAY SHOW a young woman was interviewed in China. She works in finances and is doing very well, living in Beljing. However, her grandmother grew up in a farming area, was forced to have her feet bound at age 10 and was never given a name, except the name of her town. The differences in generations is amazing. The gal interviewed is a college graduate. Her grandmother never went to school.
In my new book, The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) the girl also does not have a name. Why? For very different reasons. She doesn’t so that every girl, tween, teen and woman who reads the book can identify with her. She is not nothing. She is everything. She is all of of us. She incorporates in her the universal dreams, energy and wisdom of us girls and women. So not having a name can mean very different things. The girl in the book would be horrified to hear that at her age of 10, this grandma had to have her feet bound. She would be furious.
Be thankful for freedom. It is a gift to be treasured!
Can You Handle the ‘Truth’? | The Jewish Exponent
Experts confirm what the majority of people know: Truth comes in a number of forms and reveals itself in myriad ways, and that it’s often relative, depending on the needs and expectations of the seeker.
Now, Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, based in Long Branch, N.J., and a nationally known positive psychologist — an officially recognized branch of psychology that centers on what’s right with people — examines what truth is as young girls see it, in her new book, titled The Truth: I’m a Girl, I’m Smart and I Know Everything, the first in what is expected to be a series.
The book, which contains a “bit of mystery” because girls love that, noted Holstein, is the fictitious account of a young girl who keeps a secret diary in which she writes about the thoughts, ideas, people and events that shape and forge the truth for her.
In the process, it establishes a forum for discussion with parents and peers.
Through the eyes and feelings of the girl, Holstein comments professionally about truth’s particular impact on females aged 8, 9 and 10 years old — and beyond. It also focuses on its meaning in connection with interaction with the adults in their lives — mothers, grandmothers, fathers, teachers and others.
In the introduction to the book, Holstein, reflecting on her own days as a young girl, wrote: “One day I decided to find a way to combine what I already knew as a girl with the knowledge I have as a classroom teacher, case-study researcher, school psychologist, and a psychologist in private practice, in Long Branch, for nearly 30 years. I had to find a fun way to do this that would really help girls and mothers recognize that what we know growing up is just as important as what we learn later.
“One day the ‘girl’ just appeared. She knew what to say and how to say it. She did a much better job of sharing the truth than I ever could have imagined. So I just let her go for it. I used a child’s voice because children understand things in a special way. In the end, the young girl will become a young woman and will keep the best of herself.”
There are 12 to 15 serious topics embedded in the book that offer young girls and their parents the opportunity to discuss the subjects. Girls throughout the world, explained Holstein, experience similar aspects of growing up, with crushes, family and sibling friction, and being bullied at school just a few of the categories that bewilder children and cause them to feel alone.
And Then There’s the Internet
When the influence of the Internet is thrown into the mix, unavoidable and continual situations for concern arise, leaving parents unsure of how to handle these challenging aspects of a young girl’s life, said Holstein.
Here’s an excerpt from The Truth: “What is wrong with human beings? I had to read The Diary of Anne Frank in Sunday school and again I felt so horrible. She died only a few years older than I am. And she loved life so much. How can it be? … ”
At the back of the book, readers will find 25 discussion questions for youngsters.
Why did Holstein write The Truth? “I wrote it because after having worked on women’s issues for years, I came to the conclusion that women at every stage of life need to find ways to build self-esteem and self-worth.
“Every girl wants a mother who listens and is aware of her behavior, especially during the tween years. Family is fun, and tweens want to feel special in their families. The Truth gives girls 8 to 14 years old the knowledge that they are not alone, while it reminds mothers what it was like to be this age,” explained Holstein.
Among her hopes for the book — which ranks second in parenting tweens book topics on Amazon.com — she said, is to see it in school libraries, adding that “my other dream would be to see it turned into a musical.”
The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything)
Wow! So many of us went on Mystery Rides as Kids!
On July 5th, 2008 I’m the guest on The Puddle People Hour on BlogTalkRadio. The two hosts are Beth Marino and Pam Sargant. That show will be archived and available 24/7. We pre-recorded the show tonight and of course talked quite a bit about my first book, THE ENCHANTED SELF, A Positive Therapy and my newest book, The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything). It was fascinating for me to go between the two books-THE ENCHANTED SELF being a rather dense book, full of case studies, positive psychology techniques, historical perspectives on women, my own journey as a woman in our society, etc. and The Truth which is a girl’s diary written in a simple, easy manner. However, what struck me as the most fun as we chatted was our discussion about “Mystery Rides”. The girl in The Truth goes on mystery rides with her family on Sunday afternoons and loves them. I was sharing her adventures when both Mary and Pam joined in saying that they also, had gone on mystery rides as children.
One family had eight kids and they would all pile into the station wagon and drive out into the countryside. So would the other, slightly smaller family. And Dad was the driver in both cases and he didn’t know where he was going. But it was so much fun, discovering small towns and local fairs and at the end stopping for icecream. The girl in The Truth also stopped for icecream at the end of the family’s mystery rides.
Now I’m wondering. Are mystery rides universal if you are over 45? Let me know. I went on them also, but sometimes I think they weren’t supposed to be a mystery. I think sometimes my father might have gotten lost! I don’t remember icecream at the end but I do remember often ending up at Savin Rock in New Haven, late in the afternoon on Sunday after riding around. What a treat! That was an amusement park along the beach. Usually I got to ride the ‘flying horses’ as we called them, my mom and Aunt Lil caught to sit on a bench and people watch and we all got to eat in the car at Jimmy’s hot dog stand, where we bought delicious grilled hotdogs (not boiled, like at home) and wonderful fenchfries that were crinkled and served in paper cones. Ah, such sweet memories of the old days!
Mother and Daughter talk on “Kids, Tweens and Teens, A Positive Psychologist looks at all three” about The Truth, I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything
Robin and Rachel made my day on Monday. They were my guests on my radio show, Kids Tweens and Teens on www.internetvoicesradio.com We pre-recorded the show that will will air next Monday, June 9th at 4:30 PM EDT and then be archived 24/7. What made the discussion so special was getting a chance to talk to both a mother and a daughter who had read The Truth, I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything. Their reactions were such fun. You will hear Robin discuss how the book made her remember her first crush which she hadn’t thought of in years, and then you will her Rachel chat about how she identified with the girl, even in secret things she does that nobody knows about. Rachel also will share her promises that she has made to herself for her future. Both talk about how to utilize the book as a discussion tool for moms and kids.
As an author it isn’t always so easy. You write the book at some deep level of concentration and meaning. You agonize in ways that the public never knows-what word here? What should stay in the final draft? What needs to go? Who will read it? Will anyone read it? And then finally it is out and still there is agony. Who likes it? Do kids like the book? Do moms? Does it have the punch that a great book does?
And then the universe sends a present by special delivery. In this case the present was Robin and Rachel. Their reactions confirmed what every author needs and hopes to hear. The book works! And best of all, it works for both kids and adults. And that is unique. I’m blessed.
“You just get to be a girl”
On TV this am ‘Samantha’, one of th stars in Sex and the City, was being interviewed. She commented that the movie and the show was so wonderful because “You just get to be a girl!” She then went on to say that we all want that. All women want the fun of beautiful clothes and best friends and everything turning out just right.
As a positive psychologist and author of The Truth, I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything, I agree with her. This is a tremendous yearning in women to belong, to have dear friends, to let the playful, girly side of themselves stay alive, even when we grow up. In fact when a women stops caring for herself in terms of making a nice appearance, often it is a signal that the woman is depressed. Women are able to laugh, cry and share intensely all sorts of feelings and of course even though we grow up we yearn for happy endings and beginnings in our lives. And where does all of this begin?
In girlhood of course. And that where my book dovetails Sex and the City. The Truth, I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything is a book where you see a girl putting down in writing her understanding of all the wonderful parts of herself so she can hold on to them. She knows she is smart, can have fun, can solve problems, can fall in love, can have adventures, can be pretty, can star, can have best friends. She knows all of this in her gut and she is aware that sometimes these capacities get lost as we grow up.
Samantha and her friends document that we can hold on to the best of ourselves. And at worst if we loss some of our precious selves we can at least come and borrow the energy they exude and get recharged. And if we can’t look as beautiful as they do, at least we can enjoy looking at them.
Stay posted for more of the Positive Psychologist’s insights on us ‘girls’.
reading mama blog reviews The Truth, (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything)
“I am very excited that my daughter read The Truth and wrote a review about it. She is 11 years old just the right age for this book. When she completed reading it she said it was cool and that she could relate to the girl. Here is her complete review:
Thanks for the review!