Growing Up Isn’t Easy!

November 2, 2011 By 1 Comment

In The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) the girl talks, at times, about not wanting to grow up.

Feelings about not wanting to grow up are common and often not discussed, as kids realize that most of the time parents expect them to want to grow up.

We as adults have often forgotten about how hard it is to move into adolescence. The bodily changes alone, are overwhelming. How many of us suffered with pimples, anxieties about getting our period, and all sorts of other issues? Just about all of us, although these issues may seem very far away now. I remember some mood swings that seemed to come out of the blue when I was 11. Hormones raging through my body, I’m sure didn’t help.

We have to be compassionate and helpful to those young ladies in our lives who are transitioning. Giving advise, and sharing about our own ups and downs as we moved through those years can take the pressure off a lot of what is happening.

The girl in The Truth realizes there are some great things about not being a grown-up yet. For example, she doesn’t have to earn a living. She can focus most of her attention on herself, her school work and other interests. Later in life it is harder to focus on ourselves. Multi-tasking takes over and there is little time for self-development.

At the same time, it is for most of us, a blessing to be part of a family of some sort, and to have a chance to participate in raising children. It is often exciting to work at a job and to have the power to make decisions about the course of our lives.

So really, all stages of life have their benefits and their losses. If we can stay light hearted as we see some of the pluses and minuses and keep a sense of humor, we can have such fun talking to kids about our stage of life as well as listening to the successes and frustrations that our kids feel about their lives.

The simple message is: Keep sharing. Your daughter will grow up even if she doesn’t want to for the moment. Don’t panic. Keep talking and sharing. Laugh and cuddle. Spend time together and give her your wisdom. But…make sure your don’t block out hers! She has wisdom also! Enjoy listening to it.

Filed Under: Amazon, Book Reviews, girls, I'm a girl, I'm smart and I know everything, Moms, Parents, Positive Psychology, Kids, Tweens and Teens, self-esteem, Seven Gateways to Happiness for Girls, teens, The Truth, I'm a girl, I'm smart and I know everything, Tweens

Helping Your Daughter To Be Less Nervous About Starting a New School Year

September 19, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Starting a new school year, whether your daughter is returning to a school building she has gone to before, or you have moved and all is new for her, can be very upsetting. You may find your daughter nervous, perhaps tearful, not sleeping well or wishing she could go to a different school or even not go to school. Here are some ideas to help your daughter adjust:

Reassure her that it is normal to be nervous before we start anything new, even if we have done the same routines in the past. Tell her that you realize that sixth grade is not fifth grade, etc. and that you are on her side.

If you have moved or she will be changing schools, she may also be upset that she is leaving behind a best friend, or several good friends. See what you can do to make this transition less painful.

Maybe you can invite over some of her old friends for a pizza supper, or transport her back to where you did live so she can visit these friends.

At the very least, encourage her to stay in touch with them.

Also let her know that she will make new friends. It just takes time.

If you had something similar happen to you when you were growing up, take the time to share your story with her.

Try to get in touch with the feelings she may have. She probably feels lonely and/or jealous that her old friends may have new friends already to share with. These are very human feelings and you can do her a great service by sharing feelings you have had at times growing up and how they were resolved.

You daughter may also be scared that the work this year will be too hard for her. If she has already started school and complains it is too hard sit down with her and see what she is referring to.

Sometimes a child is correct and may need your help to go into school with her and sit down with her teacher or guidance counselor to see if the work is on the right level for her. Take her seriously. Even if she is exaggerating, remember it feels real to her for now.

Being your daughter’s ally can really help her. She doesn’t have the perspective we have as grown-ups to know that things feel strange when they are new. Help her understand that we are resilient to most situations and after awhile she will feel herself again and also feel relaxed and at ease in her new environment.

And best of all, with all of the above, by being your daughter’s ally, the two of you will grow even closer as you show you really care and you take the time to talk to her.

Filed Under: I'm a girl, Parents, Secrets, self-esteem, The Truth, I'm a girl, I'm smart and I know everything, Tweens Tagged With:

Being Homesick is Natural

July 11, 2011 By 1 Comment
For many kids of all ages summer is a time to venture away from home. For all children there is the first time. This they may have experienced on their first day of school. For some children separation from parents or a house for a few hours is just fine. For other children it is a much greater struggle. Now when summer comes around sending children off for even just a week for what is considered “a taste of sleep away camp” can and should be a great experience. But believe it or not, many children, to a certain degree get home sick.
What is it about the home that makes our children become homesick when they are away from home? Let’s take a look at the lyrics of the song Home from the Musical “The Wiz” and see what Dorothy sang when she was far away from home:
When I think of home I think of a place
Where there’s love overflowing
I wish I was home I wish I was back there
With the things I’ve been knowin’
Wind that makes the tall grass bend into leaning
Suddenly the raindrops that fall they have a meaning
Sprinkling the scene
Makes it all clean
Maybe there’s a chance for me to go back
Now that I have some direction
It would sure be nice to back home
Where there’s love and affection
And just maybe I can convince time to slow up
Giving me enough time in my life to grow up
Time be my friend
Let me start again
Living here in this brand new world might be a fantasy
But it’s taught me to love so it’s real to me
And I’ve learned that we must look inside our hearts to find
A world full of love like yours and mine
Like home
If your child’s been to sleep-away camp before, was their homesickness manageable? If this will be your child’s first overnight camp experience, are you overly concerned about how they will fair?
Before sending your child off to camp there are a few things you can do to help your child beat homesickness
  • Tell your child homesickness is normal, that it means he or she has a home that he or she loves.
  • Empathize with your child’s fears, but do not get infected by them.
  • Express confidence in your child’s resilience and admiration for his or her courage in going to camp.
  • Tell your child you are sure he or she will get help from counselors and friends when needed.
  • And, please, tell your children you want them to have fun. Children need to go off to camp with your blessing, not your anxiety.
Filed Under: Positive Psychology, Kids, Tweens and Teens, self-esteem, Summer, travel Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,

SUCCESS is Ninety-nine percent perspiration and one percent inspiration! Dr. Harry A. Becker, Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein’s Dad taught her that!

May 22, 2009 By Leave a Comment

Sometimes kids and adults forget how much resiliency and persistence we can really muster.  Life is not always easy, but we can grow as we never give up.  I was so lucky.  I had a great mentor in my father.  It is ten years since he died, actually on May 16th.  So in memory of my dad and in the hopes of further inspiring all of you, here is one of the stories my Dad loved to tell, even when he was gravely ill and in the hospital.

When my father went to camp at age 12, he was voted: ·The laziest ·The least deserving. ·The least likely to succeed.

Perhaps this was because he was tall and placed with boys several years older than he. Ironically, he was probably the least lazy, the most deserving, and one of the most successful people I have ever known. My Dad was a loving husband, a loving father, and certainly a loving son. Beyond these roles and all of his connections with others, I believe he was an encourager of the human spirit. He was a realist who truly saw untapped potential in everyone who crossed his path–even me!

I remember him saying that persistence and perspiration would help me meet my goals. He loved to explain that most accomplishments are “Ninety-nine percent perspiration and one percent inspiration.” For example, when I was a teenager he would help me wake up at 5:00 AM if I had homework to finish. “Take a shower, have something to eat and then get back to task.” He was always there to ease my burden but not take it away. My responsibilities were my own to meet, not his. How could he be helpful but not do my job–Proofreading? Driving me to school late? Brainstorming a topic? He never however, did work for me–it was mine to do. Like all good teachers he never promised that he could remove my pain. He taught that I could live with the pain and get beyond it.

He was always my teacher. He taught me how to polish my shoes and to count my packages as I shopped so I would know how many things I had with me. Above all he taught me determination. Never give up. You can do it!

Filed Under: happiness, Parents, resiliency, self-esteem Tagged With: , ,

Listening to Our Daughters

May 6, 2009 By Leave a Comment

Listen to Dr. Barbara speak on Really Listening to Our Daughters    Manasquan_Public_Library_Workshop_33009.wav

Filed Under: self-esteem, teens, Weekly Podcast Tagged With: ,

Another Book Club is Reading The Truth

March 21, 2009 By Leave a Comment

Book Club

I’m so excited. I just sent a batch of The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) down south to a group of girls in a self-esteem group run by Amy Stachler. The girls go to various schools but the club is Club G2G and all the girls are participating in Relay for Life (cancer walk). I think that is wonderful! Amy already wrote to me that the girls were really excited with the book. I wonder how they will react as they read the book. Will they identify with the girl and her feelings? Do they ever feel that a teacher or a parent is not really listening to them? Do they promise themselves about how they will be when they grow up? Do they have crushes? How do they feel the girl handled her crush with Paul? I can’t wait to hear from them. This is so exciting.

Filed Under: girls, In the News, Positive Psychology, Kids, Tweens and Teens, self-esteem, The Truth, I'm a girl, I'm smart and I know everything Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Book club encourages parent-child discourse

March 20, 2009 By 1 Comment

When seven Manasquan mothers and their sixth-grade daughters discuss a book they’ve all been reading, the conversation is about far more than the story. They share their feelings and thoughts about the issues in the book and about life.

Encouraging such communication was a goal when founding the Manasquan Mother Daughter Book Club in 2006, says Maribeth Pelly, 42, whose daughter Zoe, 12, is a member. The club has achieved that and helped the girls become more confident when expressing themselves, she says.

Read the entire article here OR   Download the PDF

Here’s another article

Filed Under: girls, Positive Psychology, Kids, Tweens and Teens, self-esteem, The Truth, I'm a girl, I'm smart and I know everything Tagged With: ,

A Secret Valentine Sent by The Girl in The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything)

February 1, 2009 By Leave a Comment

Dear Diary,

Last year I wrote my secret entry about Paul on Valentine’s Day.  Do you remember?  I sent him a Valentine and I was so desperate to see if he sent me one.  I had to open Valentines from everyone in the class until I found his.  Do you remember what it said?  It said, “Be my Valentine.”  I was so happy.  I could hardly sleep that night.

This year I will of course be sending Paul a Valentine.  Even though I don’t feel quite the same about him.  I’m not sure why, but I know one reason is that he looks away a lot when I look at him.  I think he might think I’m staring at him.

Anyway, I decided to do something else this year.  I read about the idea in one of my mother’s magazines.  It was  in an article  called BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND.  There was a  long list of things you could do to be nice to yourself.

Some were stuff like skip the laundry this week ,  buy yourself a new nightgown and get a new hairstyle.   Some of  the list sounded stupid.   Anyway it was for women, not girls.  But the one thing I liked was Send a Valentine  to Yourself.  So I’m doing that this year.  I have almost finished it.  I made it out of construction paper and lace and it is very beautiful.  And you know what I’m saying?

“I love you very much and I’ll never forget you!”  I am very excited.  I’m even going to glue little candy hearts on it.

Don’t tell anyone.  They would think I was silly.   Remember, it’s a secret.

Filed Under: resiliency, self-esteem, The Truth, I'm a girl, I'm smart and I know everything, Valentine's Day Tagged With: , ,

The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) is #11 in top 100 on Amazon for BEING A TEEN

December 15, 2008 By Leave a Comment

I would think the girl in The Truth would enjoy knowing that she is captivating the hearts of girls and moms in lots of different places.  She loves to travel, but so far has only traveled to one place that wasn’t where she lived.  That was the time she got to take a ride in a small plane, sitting alone in the tiny cockpit, with the pilot directly in front of her.  What a ride that was.  Going up, up, up into the sky, seeing all the houses and then neighborhoods below her, and realzing that her very own parents had become tiny specks.  It was an amazing adventure for her, filled with a little fear, offset by holding the pilot’s hand.  Of course, he was handsome and dashing and that helped quiet her fears.  She came down all too soon, back to the somewhat dull reality of visiting her relatives.  That episode is on p.53 of the book.  (She tells it better than I can).

She would be amazed to hear that people are sitting at what looks something like a typewriter and ordering her book from a place called Amazon.  She does know about THE amazon from her geography class, but what is this?  Is her book being stored in the jungle somewhere? 

What I do know for certain is that she wants to hear from you.  So please write to her after you read The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything).  Tell her what your greatest adventure has been or have fun explaining what a computer is.  Be pen pals.

Filed Under: Amazon, girls, In the News, self-esteem, The Truth, I'm a girl, I'm smart and I know everything, travel, Tweens Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Mother-Daughter Book Club in Manasquan, New Jersey

December 5, 2008 By Leave a Comment

I’ve been talking so much about my new book. But they say a picture is worth a thousand words, so I thought all of you would enjoy seeing me in action with my book. Here I am with the girls from the Mother-Daughter Book Club in Manasquan, New Jersey. One of the girls, April, had read my book The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) this summer and recommended the book.

As you can see by our smiling faces, it was a wonderful night. I was so happy that all the mothers and daughters had read the book and were ready to discuss school, social, family and communication issues brought up in the book. See the paper heart necklaces I am wearing? Each of them has on it a question that April had prepared so we would have plenty to talk about.

Here is a sample of several of the questions: “What are five things you promise to do when you grow up? How would you react if your mom told you you’re too young for a bra but you wanted one? Do you think teachers have an affect on kids emotions? explain…”

The more I work with The Truth I realize how different from other books it is as an educational and motivational tool. The kids fall in love with the girl who keeps such a truthful diary. They read it as fiction. But it opens up so many doors for education, communication and helping girls develop their true potential.

That night the mothers, girls and I could have talked for hours and hours. We did talk for over 1 1/2 hours, but we had to stop for luscious cupcakes and brownies that the kids had made!

Filed Under: Positive Psychology, Kids, Tweens and Teens, self-esteem, teens, The Truth, I'm a girl, I'm smart and I know everything, Tweens Tagged With: ,
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