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Secrets: You Tell Me Yours and I’ll Tell You Mine…maybe!
Following on the heels of the best-selling book, The Truth, SECRETS is the continuing diary of a girl moving into her teen-age years. The Girl has plenty to fill her journal. The pages reveal a new school, a new baby in the family, new friends, a new guy and a new set of issues to face. Share the secret world of an almost-teen as she learns which secrets to share and which to keep to herself.
Download an excerpt of Secrets here.
THE TRUTH: I'm a Girl, I'm Smart and I Know Everything!
In the mothers' and daughters' version, this girl encapsulates the spark and energy that your daughter has inside of her, and that you had inside of yourself as a girl. It is this special capacity for fun and wisdom that we need to protect in our girls and get back to ourselves!
Let's rejoice in the girl inside of ourselves. Let's give courage and affirmation to our daughters and granddaughters so they know from the inside out, it is ok, in fact, essential to keep her alive, as they grow up.
SUCCESS is Ninety-nine percent perspiration and one percent inspiration! Dr. Harry A. Becker, Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein’s Dad taught her that!
Sometimes kids and adults forget how much resiliency and persistence we can really muster. Life is not always easy, but we can grow as we never give up. I was so lucky. I had a great mentor in my father. It is ten years since he died, actually on May 16th. So in memory of my dad and in the hopes of further inspiring all of you, here is one of the stories my Dad loved to tell, even when he was gravely ill and in the hospital.
When my father went to camp at age 12, he was voted: ·The laziest ·The least deserving. ·The least likely to succeed.
Perhaps this was because he was tall and placed with boys several years older than he. Ironically, he was probably the least lazy, the most deserving, and one of the most successful people I have ever known. My Dad was a loving husband, a loving father, and certainly a loving son. Beyond these roles and all of his connections with others, I believe he was an encourager of the human spirit. He was a realist who truly saw untapped potential in everyone who crossed his path–even me!
I remember him saying that persistence and perspiration would help me meet my goals. He loved to explain that most accomplishments are “Ninety-nine percent perspiration and one percent inspiration.” For example, when I was a teenager he would help me wake up at 5:00 AM if I had homework to finish. “Take a shower, have something to eat and then get back to task.” He was always there to ease my burden but not take it away. My responsibilities were my own to meet, not his. How could he be helpful but not do my job–Proofreading? Driving me to school late? Brainstorming a topic? He never however, did work for me–it was mine to do. Like all good teachers he never promised that he could remove my pain. He taught that I could live with the pain and get beyond it.
He was always my teacher. He taught me how to polish my shoes and to count my packages as I shopped so I would know how many things I had with me. Above all he taught me determination. Never give up. You can do it!
Help Find Sunny the Cat a Home
Please Help ‘Sunny’ with information, prayers and maybe a small miracle that it turns out you should be Sunny’s owner. A stray somewhat feral cat came to our back porch in the early autumn. His body was practically a skeleton. I started to feed him. He blossomed. He gave up growling as he ate. He let me pick him up. He wanted to sleep on the bed!
Why as a positive psychologist I chose to write fiction: The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything)
Lots of time people ask me why I started to write fiction as a positive psychologist. It is a good question. I started writing fiction because I wish to communicate information about how to grow up safe and strong to kids and their parents in a way that they can HEAR me.
Lots of time we have great information to share, but nobody takes it in. Why? Sometimes it is too dry, sometimes the timing is off, sometimes it is the speaker’s manner. So to avoid all of those potential set-backs I have chosen fiction. The information is not dry! It is exciting and yet familiar to all of us. All of us were 10, 11 and 12 once. I don’t use my voice, but the voice of a girl who we fall in love with from the first page when she talks about her crush. And I know the timing is right, as every year their are millions of kids getting a year older who have universal concerns about their feelings, their friendships, crushes, bullying, home life, etc.
Let’s take a look at The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything):
Feeling safe to communicate feelings and thoughts, no matter how personal and/or negative, rather than acting them out, is very important in child and adolescent development.
vThe Truth helps move girls, tweens, teens and their families closer to honest communicating. Every page brings to light feelings and thoughts so universal in nature that almost any page can be used to stimulate family members moving toward a more honest and open place with each other.
v The Truth gives a platform for kids to work through negative feelings about conflict and gives parents a new way of seeing conflict from the vantage point of how it affects their kids.
vThe Truth helps to prevent “mean girls” from developing by showing tweens how to express feelings using words, rather than anger or violence.
v The Truth helps girls see that they are not alone, by being able to so easily identify with the ‘girl’ who is sharing her most personal feelings and thoughts with them directly, via diary form. If Mom also reads The Truth and shares more of her thoughts and feelings while also listening to her daughter’s ‘real’ voice, than a family correction will be made and indeed, the girl will be less alone
vThe Truth also helps kids come to terms with growing up in a less than perfect world. The ‘girl’ is able to do this using many skills that the reader can emulate, such as finding ways to hold on to the best of herself, even as she comes to terms with a world and a set of parents that are less than perfect.
Listening to Our Daughters
Listen to Dr. Barbara speak on Really Listening to Our Daughters Manasquan_Public_Library_Workshop_33009.wav
THE TRUTH (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) comes to the Manasquan School Girl’s Book Clubs
Being with the 5th and 6th grade girls was such fun. They had such great ideas for the second book in The Truth Series and so many real issues to discuss. Bullying is a real issue, as is being ignored or put down by a teacher. Both of these issues were included in the first book. I will make certain they reappear again in the second book. These are topics that need to be discussed. Another topic that all the girls seem to want in the next book is another crush. This time, they suggested it could be a bit more real, rather than mostly in the girl’s head. That makes sense to me, as the girl will be a year older. One girl suggested that she is at a school dance and she sees her best friend kissing the boy she likes. The other girl is so ashamed or embarrassed when the girl confronts her that at first she tries to lie and claims that she wasn’t at the dance. Of course the truth comes out and the girls have to deal with all the emotions sparked by the kiss.
Another topic discussed was best friends in general. Perhaps the girl could find a new best friend who was originally a bully, but now they get along.
Such great ideas! I am so happy that I have such wise girls to advise me, the psychologist!
