“You just get to be a girl”

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On TV this am ‘Samantha’, one of th stars in Sex and the City, was being interviewed.  She commented that the movie and the show was so wonderful because “You just get to be a girl!”  She then went on to say that we all want that.  All women want the fun of beautiful clothes and best friends and everything turning out just right.

As a positive psychologist and author of The Truth, I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything, I agree with her.  This is a tremendous yearning in women to belong, to have dear friends, to let the playful, girly side of themselves stay alive, even when we grow up.  In fact when a women stops caring for herself in terms of making a nice appearance, often it is a signal that the woman is depressed.  Women are able to laugh, cry and share intensely all sorts of feelings and of course even though we grow up we yearn for happy endings and beginnings in our lives.  And where does all of this begin? 

In girlhood of course.  And that where my book dovetails Sex and the City.  The Truth, I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything is a book where you see a girl putting down in writing her understanding of all the wonderful parts of herself so she can hold on to them.  She knows she is smart, can have fun, can solve problems, can fall in love, can have adventures, can be pretty, can star, can have best friends.  She knows all of this in her gut and she is aware that sometimes these capacities get lost as we grow up. 

Samantha and her friends document that we can hold on to the best of ourselves.  And at worst if we loss some of our precious selves we can at least come and borrow the energy they exude and get recharged.  And if we can’t look as beautiful as they do, at least we can enjoy looking at them. 

Stay posted for more of the Positive Psychologist’s insights on us ‘girls’.

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May 30, 2008 | Filed Under The Truth, I'm a girl, I'm smart and I know everything | Leave a Comment 

Dr. Sandra Prince-Embury, Resili ency Expert, Guest on Dr. Holstein’s radio show, Kids Tweens and Tenns, A Positive Psychologist Looks at All Three, on www.internetvoicesradio.com

Today, May 12, 2008 Dr. Sandra Prince-Embury was Dr. Holstein’s guest on her radio show, Kids, Tweens and Teens, A Positive Psychologist Looks at all Three on www.internetvoicesradio.com.  This show is recorded and archived and available 24/7 for downloading and as a podcast.  Dr. Prince Embury discussed Dr. Holstein’s new book, The Truth,(I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything).  She mentioned how important the book is for tweens and teens, giving them a model for the skills of self awareness and expression which are so critical for tweens and teens.  The girl is able to verbalize her feelings in her own words and actually speaks so naturally, that the reader feels she is really talking to her.   Her honesty and her capacity to adjust to disappointments, even around the failings of her parents are also important issues for youngsters developmentally. 

Dr. Sandra Prince Embury is a nationally known expert in the field of Resiliency, having developed The Resiliency Scales for Children and Adolescents.  Come and listen to the show!  If you have kids-it is a must!

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May 12, 2008 | Filed Under Positive Psychology, Kids, Tweens and Teens | Leave a Comment 

Review of The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) by Dr. Sandra Prince Embury

Telling the Truth

A Review of The Truth (I’m a girl I’m smart and I know everything)

Review by:  Sandra Prince-Embury, Ph.D.
Author:  The Resiliency Scales for Children and Adolescents
Clinical Psychologist and Family Therapist

      The Truth by Barbara Becker Holstein, Ed.D., positive psychologist, is the secret diary of a ten year old girl.  Although exquisitely simple in form and expression the words of this unnamed girl suggest insights that are clinically and developmentally significant.  Embedded in the journal are messages about childhood that are important for adults to hear, presented in the words of a child.  One such message is the importance of communication for children.   

     The girl telling the Truth identifies and verbalizes her feelings in her own words.  In this way she models skills of self awareness and expression. Children and teens often have difficulty putting feelings into words. It is the absence of these skills that result in pent up negative feelings expressed in acts of violence when they have reached the boiling point. In The Truth, the girl believes in herself and her own experience, even when the feelings are not positive.  In this way she models self-acceptance.  

     Part of the girl’s truth is the discovery that parents and other adults have limitations.  Parental disillusionment is a normal part of development where the youth realizes that parents are vulnerable and not perfect.  For some this process is associated with much anger and acting out behavior, stonewalling parents who “do not have a clue.”  The girl handles her awareness in a more positive way by envisioning future times when she will be able to do things differently.  

     Children should be able to communicate honestly about their own experience to responsible adults, especially parents, even about such taboo topics as feelings of infatuation. Conversely, adults should be more authentic in their communication with their children and sensitive to the impact of their communication or lack thereof.  Exposure to conflict between parents often has a negative effect on children that parents do not fully understand. Exposure to parent secrecy or inauthenticity can also result in negative feelings such as “a big giant pit in the bottom of my stomach.” It is these un- processed feelings that form the basis of psychological symptoms.  

        Dr. Holstein offers the truth as an expression of positive psychology for young girls.  The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything) is unique in that it is spoken in the words of the girl herself to the young reader. She speaks to the reader like a best friend who is confiding her secrets.  This intimate communication may be amazingly rare in a world of internet and text messaging where truth may be at risk of exposure and embarrassment.  Dr. Holstein has succeeded in expressing the truth in the words of the girl, in a light hearted book that is a quick and easy read.
 

I’m pleased to present Dr. Prince Embury’s full review for you today.  She really tells ‘the truth’ about what is important psychologically in The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything)  If we don’t want a new generation of ‘mean’ girls, or young girls more engrossed with following the lives of starlets than developing their own interests, talents and potential, than we need to help our kids, tweens and teens learn how to safely express their feelings, emotions and thoughts while becoming fine young people, in touch with who they are and what is special and important to them.  That’s one of the reasons why I wrote this book, which will soon become a series.  We need to look more at development at every stage of growing up.  So in the next book the girl will be 12-13.  Stay tuned! 
 

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May 8, 2008 | Filed Under Positive Psychology, Kids, Tweens and Teens | Leave a Comment 

Telling the Truth, A Review of The Truth, (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everthing)

Telling the Truth

A Review of The Truth (I’m a girl I’m smart and I know everything)

Review by:  Sandra Prince-Embury, Ph.D.

Director, The Resiliency Institute of Allenhurst, LLC.

Author:  The Resiliency Scales for Children and Adolescents

Clinical Psychologist and Family Therapist

 

 

      The Truth by Dr.Barbara Becker Holstein, Positive Psychologist, is the secret diary of a ten year old girl.  Although exquisitely simple in form and expression the words of this unnamed girl suggest insights that are clinically and developmentally significant.  Embedded in the journal are messages about childhood that are important for adults to hear, presented in the words of a child.  One such message is the importance of communication for children. 

 

      The girl telling the ‘Truth’ identifies and verbalizes her feelings in her own words.  In this way she models skills of self awareness and expression. Children and teens often have difficulty putting feelings into words.  It is the absence of these skills  that result in  pent up negative feelings expressed in acts of violence when they have reached the boiling point.  In The Truth, the girl believes in herself and her own experience, even when the feelings are not positive.  In this way she models self-acceptance….

 

Come back tomorrow for more of Dr. Sandra Prince-Embury’s review of The Truth (I’m a girl, I’m smart and I know everything).  I’m thrilled to share her penetrating review the captures so well so many of the reasons why the ‘girl’ had to come to life and speak in this little book.  Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, www.enchantedself.com

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May 5, 2008 | Filed Under Positive Psychology, Kids, Tweens and Teens | Leave a Comment