HOLIDAY STRESS-Yes, Girls, Tweens and Teens Feel It Too!

The Holiday Season is beautiful and we all hold on to some precious memories that go with the season.  But the Holiday Season is also stressful.  As adults, we often live an exhausted life of lists and obligations that go with the season.  For some women, particularly moms with children living at home, an exhausting month is finally finished off by little sleep and the patter of little feet very early on Christmas morning.  Even for those of us that celebrate simply or observe other traditions, such as Chanakah, the frenzy builds.  Nobody wants to forget someone they should have remembered with a card, a present or a phone call.  And most of us have certain favorite foods that go with the season.  That means extra calories, an outfit that suddenly doesn’t fit right, or the tug of war with the latest batch of Christmas cookies sitting in the kitchen.  And we know who usually wins!  (The Cookies)
 
What some of us forget is that the kids have stress also.  Particularly in harder times, like now, kids worry about how the season will go down for them and often for their families.  Kids hear, know and feel a lot more than we give them credit for.  If your family is having money problems, whether you tell them or not, they are most likely aware of the problems.  If you and your husband are in disagreement over how to do the holidays, even if you argue behind closed doors, your daughter will be aware of the tension.  Some here are a couple of suggestions to lower the stress for your kids:
 
1.  Have a honest, but not overly dramatic or discouraging talk about this year’s decisions around present giving. If everyone will be receiving, say half of what they got two years ago, be honest about it.  Discuss this openly and maybe agree on what gifts are the most important for an older child or a teen.  If say your daughter really wants an item that is twice what you can afford, see if there is a way to figure out the purchase.  Perhaps it can be for both Christmas and her birthday, plus she can take on a chore in the family for a few months that may help you out or even cut some expenses for you. 
 
2.  Also, have an honest chat about what you will do and not do for the Holidays.  If you are not buying a big tree this year, let them know early so they won’t be disappointed.  Perhaps it is the year for a family evening of making home made decorations and stringing popcorn trim?  That can be a lot of fun.  Also, kids are very creative and if they know that a food budget for a big Christmas gathering must be slimmed down, they will come up with ideas to help do that.  For example, they may be willing to bake or help you cook more from scratch, as that usually costs less than packaged foods. 
 
In summary, the important thing kids need is to feel in the loop of making decisions about the Holidays and presents and that they have something of value to offer the family either in terms of ideas or actions.
 
If you can help them feel valuable and in the loop and make clear that you want a great Holiday also, you will find yourself under less stress and for sure you daughter will feel even better about herself than she expected!
 
Happy Holidays!

Things for Grown-ups to Remember

Children, tweens and teens have capacities to see the ridiculous and the cruel that we have lost as grown-ups.  It is sad, as the world would certainly be a better place if we could stay in touch with sympathetic and empathetic feelings as easily as kids do.  They simply can’t help it.  It is part of them to ‘smell a rat’ and to see the truth in any situation.  They usually know if someone is lying.  They sense when someone is being put down unfairly.  That’s often why they can get so hurt or upset if a teacher yells at someone. They know that teasing is not funny or fun.  They sense when someone is hurting.  They know who really loves them.

I could go on and on as a psychologist and an educator about this subject.  However, the most important thing I can teach you as a parent or a teacher or a relative or friend of a child, is to be aware that their sensory apparatus is often much more accurate than yours.  You may be sick of that whiny puppy.  Your niece knows that her older brother has been teasing the puppy and the puppy doesn’t like it.  You may think that your niece’s parents squabble too much.  Your niece may be sick at heart that Daddy puts down Mommy when it isn’t always fair.  You may dismiss your son’s concerns about his teacher who he claims yells too much, as just his way of trying to not stay on top of his homework.  He may realize that she tends to yell at 3 particular children too much and too publicly and that those kids are identified because of her focus on them as the ‘bad’ kids in class.  You may think that your four year old is driving you mad with questions and you can’t wait until she is older and asks less.  You may not understand how pressing it is for her to get answers and better understand this mad, confusing universe that she has just been put into four years ago!

And so the list could go on and on.

My hope is that you will take a moment to think about the beauty of what I am sharing.  Our little ones have wisdom and a capacity for knowing what is right that we have often let go of, or covered over with the stress and strain of being a Grown-up.  Let them help you relax and see the world again from their perspective!  You will laugh and you may cry at times.  But you will become a kinder person and you will more often be helpful, and on target with a situation, as you see The Truth!

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